Look up there! On top of that building! No, not that one, that one! Right there! No, next to that one. Yes, the brown one. I know, they're all brown, the browner one. Yes, that one. No, up on top! The top part of the top! Not the water tower! The top part of the top below the water tower top! Fine, below the top of the water tower, but above where the bottom of the water tower would be if we could see it. Yes I'm sure it's there! How else would the water tower be there if it didn't have a bottom for the top to be on top of? No it's no an optical illusion god damn it will you just fucking look! That guy! What is he doing up there.

Yes, I can see he's playing the ukulele. Ooh koo lay lay, whatever. I can see that. I mean why is he doing that? What do you mean why did I say what and not why? People say what are you doing all the time when they already know what they're doing, which is why sometimes assholes say things back like, standing here, or breathing, or talking to you. I don't know, it's an idiom or a tautology or something. I didn't major in linguistics! What is the reason for that guy up there playing the ukulele. Ooh koo lay lay, whatever, who cares, fuck, do you think he's going to jump?

Me neither. I mean I have no idea either. I've never played a yoo– a stringed instrument before. Yes, I took piano lessons when I was in grade school, so? Yes, I know they have strings inside them. But no one calls them a stringed instrument. Okay fine, maybe some people do, but I don't. What the hell does that have to do with it? Lots of people pronounce it yoo koo lay lee, just because someone says ooh koo lay lay doesn't mean they would call a piano a stringed instrument, okay? I didn't fucking major in fucking music either, okay? What? English, I majored in fucking English, what does that even have to do with-

No it's not the same goddamn thing as linguistics. What did you major in, being an asshole? Just tell me WHY that motherfucker up there is up there playing whatever the fuck you call it. For the acoustics? What the fuck? Have you ever been to a concert where the audience sat below a cliff while some jerk-off with a lute played Greensleeves a couple hundred feet above them?

What are you doing? Are you counting the floors? Are you counting the fucking floors so you can tell me the building isn't even a couple hundred feet tall? Have you lost your goddamn mind? Have you taken your meds today? There is a man standing on top of a tall building, tall enough that if he jumped off he would die, and he's playing an OO KOO LAY LAY and you're counting fuck-ass god damn shitting windows so you can give me an estimate of how tall the building is?

BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE A MAN! Yes, he could be a woman, a hairy-ass woman wearing a business suit and a tie. Whatever. I don't care! Jesus fucking christ I don't care how many fucking chromosomes he was born with. NO I AM NOT SAYING HE MIGHT HAVE DOWNS.

Listen to me. Look up there. That is a human person dressed like a business human with a person tie playing a human music instrument at an altitude that provides adequate potential energy such that if that human person being were to convert that potential into kinetic the sidewalk across the street from us would soon be covered in person human blood and broken human bones and one seriously fucked to smashed to bits stringed god damn it instrument. So tell me what the fuck is going on.

What? Where. God damn it where'd he go? Motherfucking piece of mother fucking… you know what grandma? Fuck you. Cross the goddamn street yourself you fucking mother fucking fuck fucking fuck fucker fuck fucking…