Janet broke my arm when I was eight. My older sister by four years. It was near the end of the school year, and I was bored, so I decided to do a little experiment. I found enough spare change in the couch and the car seats and just sitting around for bus fare and a 2-liter bottle of coke. At home, I opened the 2-liter, poured a little out, then took a sharpie and wrote on the front, in big letters "Property of Marie Callum, DO NOT DRINK!" Then on the back I drew a crude skull and crossbones. I thought about practicing drawing that for a while before putting it on the bottle, but decided maybe sloppy would be better. Then I waited.

The next day, about an hour of we got back from school, Janet talking on the phone like she always did for hours until mom got home, I checked the fridge and sure enough, a good portion of the Coke was gone. It was hard not to smile. I ran up to Janet's room, and burst in. Her reaction was swift, jumping up off the bad and screaming "GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!"

"Janet! Janet! Did you drink my coke? Please god tell me you didn't drink any..."

"No, I wouldn't drink your stupid coke, now go away you little-"

"Good because I was incubating spider mites in there for science class…." It was really hard to stifle a smile.

Janet turned green. "Oh my god." She dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom. I grabbed the phone, "Janet's puking up spider mites, she'll have to call you back," then hung it up and went to the bathroom door. The retching was disgusting, beautiful.

Janet finally came out of the bathroom, looking awful. "I'm going to kill you."

"Why? I wrote on the bottle it was my property. It's your own fault, stupid. I bought that with my own money. You're a thief."

"I didn't know you paid for it. You should have told me what you were doing. Verbally. I thought you were just scribbling on mom's groceries."

"You never listen to me anyways. It's your own fault. I even put a skull and crossbones on it."

"I didn't see one."

"Well it's there."

"Why would you even keep something like that in the refrigerator anyway?"

"Duh! Do you even remember science? The incubating agent can totally explode when it gets warm..."

Then her eyes got big again, and she shoved me to the side as she ran into her room. She didn't notice I was laughing as she ran back out with her half-filled glass, straight into the bathroom. There was another flush, and she came back out again, shaking. "Why are you laughing."

"Not only did you steal from me, you pretty much just guaranteed our pipes are going to blow up when that stuff gets warm. Nice going. You're so dumb."

Then she grabbed me. "Look, you little monster. You better not tell mom about this. You hear me? I will seriously totally kill you."

"Oh really? Steal from me, blow up our house, and then murder? I bet they won't bother with juvi, you'll go straight to adult prison. Forever."

Then she pushed me down the stairs. I was startled, but I have to say, not all that scared. This was what winning feels like. At the bottom, my arm felt like it was on fire, an icy fire. I knew something was wrong. It hurt, but not so bad I couldn't stand it. Still, I needed to make a good scene. I burst into tears. Looking up, Janet was as white as a ghost. It was nearly the happiest day of my life.

Janet called mom, who rushed home and took me to the hospital. I played it up good, asking mom if Janet could wait in the reception area instead of the doctor's office with us. "I'm trying to be brave mom, but she scares me, mommy, she pushed me down the stairs. For no reason!" The 'for no reason' bit was the best part, because if Janet told her why she pushed me, she'd have to confess to blowing up our house. And being a thief.

Janet had to go live with dad for a while. It was heaven.

I got the cast off a few months later, and remembered to mention a dull ache whenever there was rain or snow. Actually, I never had any real problems with it. It wasn't a very bad break at all. But I didn't want this to ever go away. That was twelve years ago. I moved out when I was eighteen, And since then I've had Thanksgivings and Christmases to myself. And I don't have to deal with Janet's snot-nosed little kid. Because, you know. It might rain pretty much any time.