My credentials thus established, allow me to establish Ms. Sevilla's. Rarely have I encountered such an intelligent, hardworking, forthright individual who was not also a complete bore. Victoria brings to her obligations a kind of fire and energy that motivated me to recruit her for Her Majesty's Secret Service on numerable occasions, which Victoria, a proud American and devoted patriot, dutifully refused. She is animated and thoughtful, dedicated and insightful, sophisticated and delightful. She establishes herself as a leader easily, without obligating her lessors to feel inferior; she accomplishes her tasks with as much vigor and vim as one would expect of the superiorly exigent; she often searches for new goals without the stain of having been assigned such works.

Victoria acted as my unofficial office assistant, (my official was pregnant, and complications in the birth resulted in gout and hyperpompia) with duties ranging from simple filing to grading student papers and quizzes, from proofreading my lecture notes to editing my linguistics journal, from acting as a sounding board for my ideas to playing devil's advocate on my research, from interviewing test subjects to reviewing source material. A majority of my reasearch, interpretation, and writing was done by Victoria herself, and as such I gave her second-name credit on the white-papers this research produced. (Unfortunately, sensitive matters realting to my mission required that these documents and all record of their existence be destoryed, as well as all record of my involvement in Jose State curriculum. {This information is being provided as required by the NATO Disclosure and International Safety and Commerce Act of 1999.} However, I was given two distinctionary awards for papers Victoria assisted me in writing, and as these awards do not fall under the jurisdiction of either Great Britian or NATO, their record still exists. Consult the French Office of Academic Merit for the Pierre Delarouche award for September 1997: "The Emergence of Socio-Typology in Non-Linguistic Communication." Consult with the Vietnamese Cultural Agrandizement Department for the People's Citation for Linguistic Scholarship, March 1998: "Political Determinism and the Language of Synesthesia.")

Due to her working close with me on several occasions, I was more than confortable with having Victoria substitute when matters took me away from Jose State and even, a few times, American soil. The students' comments on my evaluations were unanimous with regard to Victoria's abilities. One wrote: "Your lectures were adequate; but when Ms. Sevilla changed the curriculum to better survey the course material, it was like finding a key to an old rusty lock." Another had this to say: "Ms. Sevilla was fun! She made us laugh so much, I didn't even have to study for your test on Patralineal Signifiers! It was all automatically in my head!"

Victoria was also a student in three of the classes I "taught." She received an A in each class, which was the only A in two of the classes, and one of only four in the other, a lecture course consisting of some 300 students. Her final paper for 198: Linguistics of Sociology was one of the most erudite and subtle essays I have ever seen. In it she argued for moving towards agist egalitarianism, giving children a "voice" in shaping their futures. Her use of Kant and Spinoza was edgy and bold and her total disregard for Chomsky and Derida was tough and refreshing.

My recommending Victoria for the position of Teaching Assistant is as much a debt of gratitude as it is an official obligation. More than once she was able back me up when matters became sensitive enough to threaten my cover. She showed a real proffesionalism, a sense a of purpose, kept a cool head, and even overcame her own displeasures to take a crash course in how to field-convert a .38 into a semi-automatic "Dingo Strafer." She literally saved my life when I was mistaken for a Isreali agent, tripping up the assailant with a well-aimed sweater (her own) for which I, of course, urged the department to raise her salary. They declined, but allowed as how Victoria might be recoognized by giving her space on the staff-list in the faculty newsletter despite her unoffical status. Kudos indeed. Even my detractors in the department, ladies and gentleman from southern universities who hold a grudge against anyone awarded a doctorate by non-eugenic programs, even they agreed that Victoria was deserving of high praise and each deeply respected her finesse, her cool, her charm, her vibrancy, her stuff. She is a gem among ruffians, a pearl among the swinish, a flash among panderers, a motivating force and a compelling witness to optimism.

Indeed, I must urge you to not hire Victoria Sevilla: she is too good for you. She will outshine all of the other employees, work tirelessly, accomplish more than any tenured proffesor at Jose State Univeristy, manage an elan and a vivacity unmatched by anyone half or twice her age. She is sexy, alluring, enticing, inviting, attractive, beautiful, wonderful, amazing, a soul of richness and depth that makes me weep for the years that separate us and keep me from having her! Damn you people for wanting to sully this Goddess with the lowly title of TA! You crude and prurient bastards, I hate you all! It is Victoria for me, only me, and you will never have her, I swear it, by the power given to me by Her Majesty (a lowly maggot compared to Vic-T, but power nonetheless) I will render and rend you like wolves render and rend the hapless gazelle which bounds, innocent and unaware, across the frosty glades of a Kansas! It may be treasonous to reveal state secrets, but I assure you, I will launch Her Majesty's secret stockpile of nuclear arms (I have tha power, I am secirity clearence delta, I was an 01 agent!) if you so much as even consider touching my sweet love, my effervescent joy, my one hope for the future of humanity, Victoria Sevilla!

However, if you do decide to appoint her the position, I am certain she will perfrom her duities to your complete satisfaction.

Sincerely yours,

Giussepi Sopro, BAs,BS, MAs, MS, PhDs, GCB.