My name is not Ram Kramer, and I do not reside at 411 Ocean Blvd, Ventura CA, 93001. I have no idea who Ram is, where he is, when he’s coming back. But my roommates think I’m him, or don’t care that I’m not. I’ve been crashing here for a few weeks now, and I’m running out of food. Pizza is on the way.

I have no idea what the crushed Vitamin B tablets will do to me, but it doesn’t really matter. Snorting them stings a little, and then a lot, and then I start to cough and I can’t quite sneeze, and then it stings a lot more. I go into the bathroom and turn on the faucet, but I don’t know if I should flush my nose, splash water on my face, or drink something. My eyes water, but after some deep breathes through my mouth, it’s fine again. Mostly. I turn the water off, but it drips. It always drips. I leave it.

I’m just killing time anyway. Trying not to dwell on the fact that I used Pow’s credit card for the pizza. Or Kow’s. Kow and Pow are my roommates. I can’t tell them apart, don’t know if they’re boys or girls or one of each. They’ve never spoken English to me—one comes in, and I say Hi, and he or she replies Kow! I don’t know if that means, I am Kow! Or, Where is Kow! Or, something else. I have seen them both at the same time. I saw them making out on the couch once, and I was very conflicted. Slightly revolting, since they’re both pretty fat. But slightly interesting, because they might be twins for all I know.

But I don’t want to think about that either, really, so I think about Vitamin B. Jenny used to go on and on about Vitamin B. Sometimes I would actually pay attention, But never often, and never at all after things got bad. But that’s not why I snorted it. It’s all I have left to do. My mouth was watering when I found the credit card and I thought of the pizza. I’m trying to get my mind off what’s next. Anticipation can screw everything up.

Actually, come to think of it, the only words I ever heard either of them say is Kow and Pow. And it was only today when I found the credit card in the couch that I realized that Kow was a name. Actually, the card says “Kow Pow.” So I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

I’m pretty sure the vitamin B tablets do not belong to them, but to the real Ram Kramer, if only because I don’t think they ever go into the bathroom where I found the tablets. I mean, I spend a lot of time here at 411. I’m afraid to leave because I don’t have a key. I’ve been working my way through the non-Asian foods in the cabinet, and reading the non-Asian books on the bookshelf. I sit on the couch, reading Ram Kramer’s mail, Kow or Pow comes in, I say Hi, she or he says Pow! I shrug, she or he goes into the only bedroom. I have never seen them go into the bathroom. And the only time I ever left was because I thought I saw Jenny out the window. I was wrong, and an hour later, I came back, there they were, making out on the couch. I had nowhere else to go, so I went into the bathroom.

And I’ve been too scared to go into their bedroom and see what’s up. To look for panties or tampons or jerk mags or hentai or something to indicate if one of them is for sure a guy or a girl. I’ve been terrified. I tried to get up the courage once. I was so sure they were both gone. And then, right as I stood up off the couch to finally do it, one of them came out of the bedroom. Pow! He or she said, and left. My heart was thumping so loud, I could barely hear him or her. Then I sat down, and a few minutes later, he came out again, or she did, or it was the other one. I admit it, I screamed a tiny bit. This time he or she left without saying a word. So I went into the bathroom before I could see anyone else leave without entering.

My nose still stings even with the breathing,. I decide I need to calm down, so I have a seat and count the drips from the bathroom faucet. They are coming at exactly the right pace so that as soon as I think I’ve heard the last one, that it’s been too long since the last one, another drops falls, making that infinitesimal sound of thunder.

Jenny wouldn’t have ever heard something like that. Lying in bed, wide awake, both of us, me in clothes, her completely naked, not moving not even breathing, but eyes wide open, the night so entirely still and pitch black it was easy to forget if you were awake or not, and then one single solitary drip from the faucet, as loud as gunshot, and I would say, did you hear that, the sound of my own voice startling me, gravelly and broken, and she wouldn’t say a word, wouldn’t even flinch.

I got tired of that. But now I need to see her. She’s around here somewhere. I’ll see her walking down the street, chase after her, she goes into a doorway, and when I follow, there’s no one there. Just a bunch of Vietnamese women doing toenails. Or I’ll be on a bench, a block away from an old boarded up convenience store. And the door will open, Jenny will walk out, and I’m so stunned I forget to follow until she’s around the corner.

Kow and Pow are the same way, like I said. There’s been other times when I was sure Kow or Pow or both where definitely at home, and then one of them walks in the door, and then a little while later, the other one. The bedroom door opens and shuts so quickly I can’t see if the other one is still in there. But they wear different clothes, usually. The Asian food in the cabinets doesn’t seem to go away, but it’s not dusty either, like the non-Asian foods are.

Maybe I sleep too deeply on the couch. There’s no TV here, and a guy can only count to a thousand a few thousand times before he gets so bored that sleeping becomes entertainment. But I’m too keyed up right now. And the pizza is will be here soon. Who cares if they’re home right now or not.

So I’m just going to sit here now and not think about Kow or Pow. I’ll count the drops, concentrate on how it’s not the sound of the drops, but knowing that the drops will come that makes them so intense. So scary. Terrifying. Horror is seeing things when they are happening, but terror is waiting for them to happen, the mindblack before there’s anything actually happening at all.

Maybe Kow or Pow didn’t leave his or her credit card lying around by accident. Maybe I was supposed to find it. Maybe Kow left it out on purpose, to see what I would do with it. Or maybe Pow hates how Kow uses their credit card too much and decided to hide it next to me rather than in their room. Maybe it’s not theirs at all, maybe it belong to Ram Kramer, and it’s his business credit card, and Kow and Pow aren’t even their names, they’re part of some sick experiment fucking Ram Kramer is doing on them to see if--

Finally, the doorbell rings and I almost jump out of my skin at the sound. I go to the door, open it, and of course, it’s Jenny. It’s always Jenny. I ask her in, say something about getting the money. She doesn’t seem to realize I already paid with a stolen card over the phone. Her hat, I decide, will make a nice souvenir. I close the door and get to work. I hope Kow or Pow don’t come home at this moment or walk out of their bedroom, or whatever. Things can get messy enough as it is. Whatever, when this is done I’ll have to find a new place to crash anyway.