"This is William." A sharp cut towards his shoulder which he easily dodged, spinning around the soldier, who seemed slightly distracted by the brigand's cell phone.

"William, it's Deidra. Listen, I--"

"Hello dear." Thrust towards the soldier’s face, scoring a small scratch on his cheek.

"Yes, Hello. Listen, a boy has just delivered a message from the governor, and I don't know if you want me to open it this time or..."

"I'm sorry, darling, but can this wait? I'm a little bit busy at the mo--" a sudden lunge from the soldier, which William barely dodged to the side, bumping into one of his fellow pirates, knocking him into the water.

The phone was quiet for a few seconds as all around them the ting tang of fervid swordplay. "William! Are you swashbuckling again?"

"Yes, dear. We spotted the sails of a Spanish Main this morning and we've only just caught up to them and started boarding." The soldiers tried a desperate overhead cut, which William side-stepped, kicking the soldier in his rump, sending him over the edge of the deck into the water below.

"William Gander Maddox, you promised me, no swashbuckling on this voyage!"

"Constance, my one true love, I said we hoped to avoid it. But if Captain Blackheart sends us into battle, what can I do? Refuse the man?" Another soldier charged at him, screaming. William swatted him smartly across the chest with the flat of his sword and ran up the steps to the forecastle.

"Well, you could try."

"And how do you expect for me to pay for things, then? The Lexus, for example." Another soldier, thrusting at his eight, parry, riposte, beat back, a rash cut at the soldiers midsection, doubling him over. William leapt over the body to engage the next swordsman.

"The what?"

"The automobile. You know, the shiny metal object we climb into when we want to go out to the country?"

"Oh, that. I don't see why we can't just use a horse and carriage like everyone else. Really, William, sometimes I think you buy all these expensive things just as an excuse to be a pirate."

William smiled, despite himself. There was probably some truth to that. "Don't be absurd. No, seriously, I need to focus on this battle. Now what's this about a message?" The filthy brigand leapt to the rope, put his sword in his teeth, and began to climb, one handed towards the top of the mainsail.

"Yes, a boy's just delivered it, from the governor. Should I open it and read it to you, or leave it, or..."

William knew exactly what it contained. He paased long enough to wrap his arm in the rope and remove the sword from his mouth. "Oh, that. It's nothing. A warrant for my arrest, the usual nonsense. Chuck it in the fire if you like."

"A what!"

The sound of her ripping open the letter. The reception out here, even in the middle of the Caribbean sea, was amazing. William started to climb again, and made the top of the sail, keeping his balance as he walked to the edge.

"My goodness, William, they want to arrest you. Crimes against the crown? But you said Blackheart was sanctioned by the King himself! You said it was privateering!"

William scrabbled for the staysheet, and hacked at it, his legs wrapped tight around the crossbeam. "It is."

"Then why?"

"It's just politics, dear. Alliances change, allegiances change, but in the end, as long as the right bribes go through, everything’s fine. This is just a formality. Trust me, I knew the governor was going to have that letter delivered-- he told me himself!" William made a final cut, and caught the rope before it fell away.

"He did?"

On the deck below, Blackheart himself cut down a soldier, plucked a pistol from his belt and shot another man in the face. "To me, ye filthy dogs, we've one last batch of 'em and then she's all ours!"

William wrapped the rope around his arm, sat on the edge of the crossbeam. "Yes, he did. And it's all arranged. We're about to finish off the last of them on this ship, and the governor will get his share, so please. Just don't worry." William put his sword back into his teeth, slipped off the beam, and used the rope to swing down and around the fray, landing in the middle of it.

A heavy sigh from the phone. "Fine. If you say so. I just get so worried..."

William Gander Maddox, third mate under Captain Blackheart, a filthy brigand and father of two, cut down a soldier from behind, pulled his sword out of the dying man’s back, and chopped at the head of still another. “I know you do, dear. But trust me. Okay? We’re almost done here, and then we’ll sail home. I should be there in time for Millicent’s birthday.”

“Okay William. Call me when you’ve divided up the shares.”

“I will. Kiss the children for me.”

“Okay.”

The filthy brigand rang off, stuffed the phone in his pocket and waded into the fray, next to Blackheart.

“The missus, Maddox?”

“Aye captain. The warrant from the governor arrived, and she’s a little bit worried.”

Blackheart laughed from his belly as swept his sword, knocking the last soldier’s weapon to the side. The soldier dropped to his knees in surrender. “There’s a fine mess. What did you tell her?”

William picked up the soldier’s sword, tossed it to the boatswain behind him, pulled a dagger from his boot and neatly sliced the neck of the soldier. “Oh, the usual.”

Blackheart smirked. “Women!”

“You’re telling me. Someday they’ll get the vote—then what will the world be like?”

They both laughed heartily at such an absurd notion.