"Hi Tom. Ooh, nice shiner. What happened." Tom has a large, nicely swelling black eye.

"Reprimand Inc." He shrugs, slightly embarrassed.

"Thugs. Come on in." She leads the way, plopping down on the couch where she was before. Tom kicks off his shoes and sits next to her.

"How was soccer practice. Can I grab myself a beer?" Tom stands up again.

"Grab two. Practice was fine. I missed half of it."

"On another case?"

"Yeah." Jane idly flips channels. "Kerry's mom ran practice for a while. I guess that's why she's the assistant coach."

From the kitchen "Yeah, they say second in command does all the work anyway."

"Shut up Ted. I've got my pepper spray."

He returns, with open beers. "It'd be better than this Lite shit. When are you going to get a husband, someone who buys a real beer?"

"I almost used the spray on Danvers, Ted, don't push me." She takes the beer, swallows half at a go.

"He give you that raise yet?"

Jane shakes her head. "No."

"So, see, there you go. You're not second in command over there yet, so quit your bitchin."

"Whatever." She grins, rolls her eyes. "How's Lucy?"

"She's okay. A bit stressed."

"Ready to hire us yet?" she says with a smirk.

"Nah, I stopped bugging her about it."

"Good. Men just screw things up anyway."

"Yeah," brows furrowed, "well, it's my wedding too."

Jane hits the mute button on the remote, but continues staring at the screen "I want to make this perfectly clear, Ted. No it's not."

"To hell it isn't! I'm the one that asked her!"

Patient voice. "Have you been dreaming about getting married ever since you were a little girl?"

"Well, no, but--"

"As soon as you popped the question, did you run and tell your girlfriends and start making plans that very same day?"

"No, I didn't but--"

"Have you gone to three or four fittings for your tux, much less even picked out the damn thing yet?"

Ted pauses for a bit. "No..."

"I rest my case." She hits mute again and brings the volume back up. They watch the first few minutes of their weekly show, until the commercials come back on.

Jane stands "I'm going to grab some chips. You want some?"

Ted eyes his beer. "Sure, if I can have another one of these later."

Jane smiles at him. "Gonna get you trashed, and then Lucy WILL hire us."

Ted laughs.

Jane brings back the chips. Ted takes the bowl. "So what was it today? Any serials?"

She shrugs. "Nah. Just a few chronics, a few harassments, and a one-timer. Client said he was drunk when he did it, but he got the full treatment anyway."

"Which do you like best?"

Jane looks over at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, do you like doing the one-timers, or are the serials more fun?"

She shrugs again. "I don't know. They're all the same, really."

"They are? I thought you killed the serials."

"We do." Jane sighs. "I don't know, though, giving the speech to the one-timers and the chronics can take more out of you." She takes a swig of her beer. "With the serials, it's easy. Step in, confirm the identity, pull the trigger two times, wait for them to fall, two more times, then tag 'em, call the cops, the end."

"But with the chronics you have to give the speech."

"But with the chronics we have to give the speech, right. And my heart's not in it anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the new firm, I like Danvers, but at least at Reprimand the speeches were short and sweet." She reaches into her purse, brings out her scalpel. "Hello Mr. Johnson. I'm from Reprimand Inc. You raped your daughter last weekend." She makes a slicing motion. "One to the nose, one the chest for one-timers, or to the groin for chronics... and that's it. I could do five or six a day, no sweat."

"What does Danvers make you say?"

Jane rolls her eyes. "You know, a bunch of bullshit about the sanctity of womanhood and how harassment or assault defiles not just the victim but all women, including the perp's own mother. It's a bunch of blather. None of the other girls like it either." She sighs. "But we do it, since he writes the checks."

"Yeah, I guess so." The show is on again, the usual farcical comedy of errors filled with more double entendres than wit. It's their weekly habit.

The show is a re-run anyway. Janes makes a small laugh, "So did you deserve it?"

"Deserve what?"

"The shiner."

"Oh, I don't know." Ted smiles, embarrassed again. "Maybe. I guess so."

"They tell you who set it up?"

"No, but I can probably guess."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, last week, Mrs. Oliphant comes in for her bi-annual. So I got her in the stirrups, and she's got glitter all over her, well, her, you know, down there."

Jane shakes her head. "Ted? How long have you been a gynecologist? Seven years? And you still can't call it a pussy?" She smirks.

"Well that's hardly the clinical term..."

"Vagina, vulva, whatever. Do you talk like that to your patients?" She puts on a fake male voice. "Well, Mrs. Thompson, you've got an atrium of dysphasia on your, you know, your down there."

Ted laughs out loud. "That's different. I'm not talking with a patient, I'm hanging out with my neighbor..."

"You'd say pussy to a man friend..."

Ted nods his head. "Yeah, well, maybe I don't feel like taking pepper spray in the eye today..."

Jane cocks her head to the side for a moment, in thought. "Good point. Continue."

"So anyway, like I said, there's all this glitter down there, and so I go, You must have been at some kind of party last night, Mrs Oliphant, and she's like, what? So I tell her about the glitter, and she turns bright red. I guess her kid had used a washcloth to wipe her glitter make-up off.."

Jane starts laughing. "Oh, man, that is too funny."

"...and I guess Mrs. Oliphant used the same cloth. So I finish her up, everything's fine, like usual, I mean, the woman's got pipework that would make a plumber proud, you know? But she's acting all weird, so I go on to the next patient, and at the end of the day Gary tells me she's cancelled her next appointment and says she's going to another doctor from now on."

Jane shakes her head. "Why?"

Ted holds up his hands. "I don't know! I mean, I can look at her with her knees pulled up and she's on display and everything, but heaven forbid I acknowledge that she, like very other human being, gets dirty down there and has to clean up before coming to see me." Ted drinks more of his beer. "So today, I'm in the office, a lady walks in-- nice looking gal, by the way..."

"That's Reprimand for you."

"I'll say. So she hands me her card, I see what's on it, and when I look up, BAM! One in the eye and then a knee in the groin. And she walks out."

"Yep, efficient."

Ted watches the show for a while, finishes his beer. "Ah well. I guess, when it's all said and done, I should have known better."

"You can really feel vulnerable in those stirrups, Ted. Try to be considerate. And get me another beer too."

"Sure." He disappears, "You want the same, or a Doug's," he shouts from the kitchen.

"The same." Ted comes back with two more.

"Really, I don't know how you do it." She takes hers. "Thanks."

Ted sits down. "Do what."

"Look at pussy all day, and then go home and have sex with Lucy."

"It's not the same."

"What do you mean it's not the same? Is Lucy's made of gold or something?"

"No..." Ted pauses for a second. "It's like your job."

"Huh?" Jane's starting to feel the two beers.

"You had, what, you said, a few harassments, some chronics today?"

"Yeah..."

"So what did you do? I mean to them."

Jane thinks for a minute, looking up at the ceiling. "Well, let's see, I did the standard knee-to-the-groin, punch-in-the-face for the harassments..."

"Just like at Reprimand?"

"Well, yeah, except we give the speech, which Danvers says is why we're better."

"Okay."

"And for one of the chronics I used the scalpel on his chest, his face, and for the other it was also a few stabs in the groin."

"Why?" Ted unconsciously crosses his legs.

"Standard protocol. Sometimes the men get hard when we're giving it to them, so we slice up their cocks as a reminder that this is punishment, not pleasure."

"And so? You hate all men, right?"

"Jesus Christ, Ted, of course not!"

"Well, that's my point, Jane. I look at pussy all day cause its my job. And I like my job."

"I'll bet you do."

Ted scowls. "You know what I mean. But Lucy's not a job, she's my fiancée, and I love her, and I love everything about her, and when we make love, work is the furthest thing from my mind."

"That's... beautiful..." she smirks at him again.

"Shut up Jane. Where's that pepper spray?"

"Ha ha." She goes back to the TV.

"What about you, do you love your job?"

Jane chews on her lip. "I used to. I don't know. I mean it pays the bills, and it's a necessary service, you know, like any other utility, but... sometimes I think I need a hobby. Something to get passionate about. Something meaningful." She sips her beer.

"You don't think punishing men who rape women is meaningful."

"Well, like I said, you know, it's a necessary service, but I'd hardly call it meaningful. Men are men. Men do stupid things. We remind them that they can't get away with it anymore, and now, you know, women aren't as scared of it as they used to be. "

"Really."

"Sure. I mean, you might not remember this, but there was a time when men would use their sexual power to control women. A woman couldn't go on a date without wondering if the guy was going to pin her down in the car on the way home. She couldn't go into a crowded club without feeling one or two hands on her ass as she made her way to the bar. She couldn't walk down the street at night by herself, for fear some maniac would jump out at her.

"But that might still happen."

"Yeah, but now when it happens, it doesn't hurt them as much. So it's not so scary. Do you refuse to drive your car because you're afraid you'll get a flat? No, cause you got Triple-A. Are you scared that big elm in your backyard is going to crash down through your kitchen? No, cause acts of God happen all the time, and if you let them scare you, you'll never go anywhere."

"Okay. So, see, what you do is important," Ted says, putting his hand on her shoulder, "I mean, if what you say is true, and men used to get away with that stuff."

Jane rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I know, but that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, we took back the night, Ted, but now I don't know what to do with it."

"I think you need a shrink, Jane."

"No, I need another beer."

Ted Stands up to get it. "Same thing?"

"Yeah."