Bukkhead Creative Writing

This page is read only. You can view the source, but not change it. Ask your administrator if you think this is wrong.
====== Combat Wombat ======

Q: What's a wombat, and why is it in combat? 

A: A wombat is a small, furry animal from Australia. Wombats are given tactical training in the desert, and then outfitted in battle gear and sent to war-torn parts of the world as mercenaries. Once they arrive, they bivouac, establish supply lines, then approach the battlefield and perform OODA: Orient, Observe, Decide, Act. If, for example, a wombat encounters a minefield, since the wombat is not heavy enough to trip any explosives, it will scurry across to complete reconnaissance on the enemy. Then it usually gets run over by a truck and dies.

Q: Who is the Costa Rica Barista?

A: Her name is June, she is not from Costa Rica, and she has never been a barista. June got that nickname after a bar trivia night. She supplied two answers: Costa Rica and Barista, and one of her teammates started calling her Costa Rica Barista. June had a soft crush on the guy who named her that, but the crush fizzled after he named her that. She eventually quit the bar trivia team and joined a combative badminton club, but the nickname stuck, and was used on the memorial page in the club's yearbook.

Q: Where is Vampire Empire?

A: Transylvania. Vampire Empire began as a small souvenir shop, but became the most sought-after source for role-playing game miniatures. But only vampire figures. The owner of the shop, at company picnics, would hand his son a figurine, and say, "That vampire is your bread and butter!" And the son would playfully pop the figurine into his mouth. When the owner retired and left the business to his son, the son decided to branch out, and sell werewolf figurines. Sales tripled. At his last company picnic, the son playfully popped a werewolf figurine into his mouth, choked on it, and died.

Q: What is Smelly Jelly?

A: A fake product in a fake advertisement on a real podcast. Two cousins- brothers from different mothers but the same grandmother- started a podcast, and created a fake company to "sponsor" them, called Larko. Larko, fictionally, sold, amongst other things, Smelly Jelly, which was jelly for a sandwich that stunk so bad no one would steal your sandwiches. This happened to be the product on the episode that went viral. Bootleg Smelly Jelly shirts were soon on the market, and one was worn, famously, by a protester at a political rally who was killed by security guards, purportedly accidentally.

Q: What is Vulture Culture?

A: Several phenomena claim the sobriquet Vulture Culture. The most prevalent form is found in journalism that reports on cultural appropriation. Ironic non-hipster "hipsters" are the chief consumers of Vulture Culture, using the reportage as a handy tourist guide into the artifacts of esoteric cultures. An article in the Condor County Gizzard-ette about a highschool's use of the Algonquin as a prom theme was the single most downloaded article in the newspapers history, with most download requests coming from non non-white urban areas in major cities. The prom was only sparsely attended due to the school's star quarterback choking to death on a home-made "peace pipe."

Q: What is a car scar? Do any celebrities have one?

A: A poorly-welded rip in a car's metal exterior is called a car scar. It is not known if any celebrities have a car with a scar, as it is generally a sign of lack of affluence. There is one celebrity, who starred in the movie "Kar," and who's character wore a signature scarf. On a late-night talk show to promote the film, the celebrity wore the scarf, and the host fumbled over his words when asking about it, saying, "Is that your farce scar? I mean car scar? Car scarfe?" The amused the audience to no end. No one knows if it had anything to do with that same celebrity hanging himself with that same scarf.

Q: What the heck is Pitcher Witcher?

A: A red blend (cab-sav, pinot noir, grenache) sold exclusively in gas station convenience stores. Despite it being made with third-press juices, this wine was considered by those few who knew about it to be one of the finest drinkables, on par with even a Rothschild Pauilac. As it's renown grew, a rumor started that the vintner had sacrificed his own son to the devil to achieve it's amazing taste. When the vintner himself heard this rumor, he tripled the price, and soon every gas station that sold Pitcher Witcher was sold out. To date, three people have been murdered by thieves attempting to acquire a bottle of their own.
Bukkhead Creative Writing

User Tools

Site Tools

Page Tools
