//I had the privileged of sitting down with Dargtanon Longitude Green, lead singer of the esteemed kid's emo metal band Month of Frankensteins. Here is an excerpt from our interview.// //Let's start with you name. D'artagnan. Am I pronouncing that right?// Lot's of people make that mistake. It's Darg tannen, actually. //Oh! Just like it's spelled! I thought maybe you were named after the character from the Three Muskateers.// Nah, I don't like candy bars. Rots your tongue. //Right. And your middle name. I don't suppose you have a brother named Latitude, do you? [chuckles].// No. Why would I? I have sister named D'artagnannie though.  //Oh really? And what's her middle name?// It's the one before Green. Pretty sure. No wait. She got married. //I see.// Chamberpot. //Her middle name is Chamberpot?// No, I just said that because. Tourette's and everything, you know. //Ah, you have Tourette's.// Not really. But I am a hypochondriac, so I sometimes think I have Tourette's. And whenever I remember that I think I have Tourette's- //You say chamberpot.// No, that's the first time I've ever said that word in my life. Assmodius. //Asmodeus? Even for someone who has, uh, no offense, fake Tourette's, that's a heck of a word to just blurt out.// I agree! My sister married one of the Princes of Hell, and it's funny because I kept calling him Asmodeus, which was embarrassing, because at the reception he had to take me aside and tell me it was pronounced Assmodius. //Oh my.// Yeah, and so, it was like, later, when he was ripping the guests into a fury of lust and blood-torture, replete with a conga line of people tied to each other with their own intestines, and he screams "I AM ASSMODIUS!" and everyone just looks at me like, you asshole. //Jesus.// My face was red. //Wow.// And not just from blood, man. //Uh...// Hey, which magazine do you work for again? //Oh, me? No, I don't work for a magazine.// Or what blog or TV show or whatever. //No, I'm just the assistant manager here.// Where? //Here. Here, at McDonald's. I interview all the job applicants.// Oh, yeah. Sorry. Records sales have been shit lately. Can I work the fryer? //Well first we need to-// [cell phone rings] Hang on a sec. Yeah? Oh, hey Ass-man. [pause] Fuck, dude, that's my sister man! TMI! [pause] Yeah, I'm here now, I think I got the job. [cups phone] Did I get the job? //Well-// Nice. [back on phone]. Nailed it, dude. I'ma work the fryer. [pause] Nah, I'ma hook you up man, free fries for life! [pause]. //Um, Darg Tannen, listen-// One sec bro. [on phone] What? Oh yeah, hang on. [cups phone] Hey, you got a dad who, like, died of autoerotic asphyxiation or wahtever? Assmo says he says hi. [back on phone] What? Ha! [cups phone] Actually he says [SCREAMS] but Assman speaks scream, so [goes back to phone]... //Fuck.// Okay I gotta run dude. [pause]. Dude! That's my fucking sister dude! [pause] HA! you asshole... Alright... love you too. Bye. //Fuck.// Okay, cool dude. Yo, I need, like, October and November off. We're touring in Europe. Is that cool? //Fuck.//