Tag: writing

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Hand Cramps and Leg Cramps and Head Cramp, Oh My

Postaday for January 17th: Pens and Pencils. When was the last time you wrote something substantive — a letter, a story, a journal entry, etc. — by hand? Could you ever imagine returning to a pre-keyboard era?

November, 2007. NaNoWriMo. It’s possible that someone who reads this blog doesn’t know what NaNoWriMo is. But not at all likely. (Actually, it’s not at all likely anyone reads this blog at all.)

My “novel” was about a guy who works for a corporation and has a wife and likes to run and gets a cramp. The whole novel was supposed to be about the cramp. The corporate job was just background, not worth really examining, like describing someones shoes just so you know they’re not barefoot. Same with the wife, who was just there so you know the guy’s got no interesting characteristics. A straight dude in his late 30s, as plain as they come. I didn’t even give him a name.The point was to focus on the cramp, not the guy.

Or so I thought. NaNoWriMo is a community thing, really, and someone advertised a local meet-up for writers to come work on their novels together. So off I went, expecting we’d all sit around and smile at each other and ask how the process was going and in general be buddies.

WRONG! I got to the crowded cramped tea-house and found no place to sit. Most folks were at this big table in the middle, while others were huddled at smaller orbiting tables. Nobody smiled. Nobody even asked my name. And I had purposefully NOT brought a lap top! Didn’t they see the cool hipster notebook in my hands?

I found a small chair squashed in a corner, one without even a table next to it. Opened my notebook and stared at that blank page. My hands started to cramp even before I clicked my pen. This was stupid. But I drove all the way here, I thought, and eventually wrote: “He’s addicted? Fine. He’ll go to a meeting.”

My hand cramped up a lot, but I kept going, and eventually found a groove. NaNoWriMo suggests you write 1667 words a day, so that you can hit a goal of 50k in one month. So that’s what I did, using breaks to count words and let my hand rest. Took about an hour or so.

I never finished that novel. I DID, however, turn that day’s writing into a short story, which you can read if you want. I much prefer typing, but it does strike me as ironic that the only part of the whole crap novel that was salvageable was the part written by hand.

Could I ever imagine returning to a pre-keyboard era? Imagine, yes. But I know I’d write a lot less often.

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Area Man Decides Witty Blog Makes Up for Mediocrity In Every Other Endeavor

Postaday for January 12th: Audience of One. Picture the one person in the world you really wish were reading your blog. Write her or him a letter.

Dear Cole Bolton, editor of The Onion:

I am Bukkhead, long-time blogger. Long-time refers to the days between the first time I blogged and now, although little can be said for the years in between. A few posts here and there. Mostly book reviews—some of which got liked by people on Goodreads!

I’ve recently undertaken a huge endeavor, to write on my blog everyday. And I mean every day. In fact, I’m going to go back and post blog entries for every day of the year so far— this post, for example, dated January 12th, was actually written on May 6th!

I’m not very good at most things. Mediocre is the best way to describe me. Not incompetent, to be sure, but mediocre. I’ve tried my hand at stand-up comedy, playing acoustic guitar, writing movie reviews, collectible card games, learning French, photography, running, biking, cross-fit… I could go on, but as a mediocre person, going on would probably require too much effort.

I’m mediocre in other walks of life as well. I’m a mediocre husband, although my wife is fairly self-sufficient, so that’s okay. I usually get birthday cards and anniversary cards to people in my family a few days late. At my job, I do a little bit more than the bare minimum (I’m writing this while half-listening to a conference call).

But when it comes to writing, I’d like to think: I got this. I know how to string words together. I can write about anything, in any tone, as many words as you want. (Assuming you’d never want more than a thousand words or so. That’s how long it takes me to get through a cup of coffee, and my wife doesn’t like me to drink too many of those).

I don’t know if you ever look to free-lancers for material, but let me assure you: I’m no free-lancer. I’m not writing things in the hopes that you’ll see them and want to put them in your paper. No, I’m more of a mercenary type. Pen-for-hire. I’m hoping you’ll read this blog now and again, and then one day, when you realize “Oh snap, we need three hundred words about standing in line to buy an Apple Watch,” you’ll think of me.

“Get me that self-deprecating guy who talks about 7-11’s frozen burritos all the time,” you’ll say. To yourself. Because you’re the only one who reads this nonsense. And you know I’ll work cheap.