The following conversation did not occur at a Starbucks near my house:
Hey.
Hey.
Been here long.
Forever. A couple of minutes maybe.
I just got here.
I know. I saw you walk through the door.
Yeah. I would have been here sooner, but I was running late.
Amazing.
Is that a scone?
No, it’s a plate.
Is that a scone on top of the plate?
Well, that depends. I’ve eaten some of it. Is it still what it was, or is it something else now?
That sounds like philosophy.
It is. It’s why we’re meeting here. To study philosophy.
Is it?
No. Unless you think that the only reason to exist at all is to study philosophy.
Is it?
Yes.
Oh.
I mean it’s not.
Oh.
I mean it’s not a scone. It’s a croissant.
It… it doesn’t look like a croissant.
It doesn’t look like a scone, either.
Well, I don’t know what I scone looks like.
Then why did you ask if it was a scone?
Because if it was a scone, then I would know what a scone would look like.
Well, I’m sorry about that. It’s not a scone. It’s a croissant.
I know what a croissant looks like.
Good for you.
And that does not look like a croissant.
Does it look like half a croissant?
No.
Are you sure? There are literally an infinite number of ways to cut a croissant in half. Are you sure you can hold in your mind an infinite number of images like that?
I don’t have to.
Why not.
Heuristics.
Ah… good one. I’d give you an A, if I was your teacher.
Well, you’re not.
I know. Except, I am, sort of.
No. You’re not.
Yes I am. I helped you there, helped you understand a subtle philosophical point.
Well…. I guess.
So I’m sort of your teacher.
Like that’s sort of a croissant.
Yes. I mean no. I mean, didn’t you just say you know what a croissant looks like?
Yes.
And this does not look like one?
Yes.
So why are you now saying it’s sort of a croissant?
Meta speech.
Come again.
I was talking about what we were talking about. That’s meta speech. It refers to but does not have to be consistent with what we were saying before.
And is that, what you just said, also meta speech?
Don’t be cute.
I’m not being cute.
You are. You’re trying to be. Look, just answer the question.
What question?
Is that a scone?
I’m going to stand up now. I’m going to ask you sit here. I’m going to go outside. I’m going to come back in. We’re going to start over.
Okay.
And that will give you your answer.
Okay.
Good.
Bye.
Hey.
Hey.
Been here long?
Forever. A couple of minutes maybe.