Postaday for June 1st: Truth or Dare. Is it possible to be too honest, or is honesty always the best policy?
I have no patience for people who are proud of the fact that they “tell it like it is.” You know, letting her know that the dress does make her butt look huge. Or, being honest, telling his buddy that his band sucks. But that’s not really “honesty,” is it? It’s opinion, and why does it need to be said at all? And if one really does want to hide behind “I’m just being honest!” then why doesn’t one truly be honest and “tell” everything: “Hey Larry, your band sucks, and I was raised with no formal musical training, the bands I respect are hated by the vast majority of decent people, and my opinions on most things are born from withering self-hatred and a seriously abysmal IQ.”
If you wife asks you, “does this dress make my butt look big?” she’s not asking for you to be honest about the size of her back side. She wants to know if she’s going to catch sight of herself, during a vulnerable moment, reflected in a window or nearby mirror. She wants to know if she can carry herself with confidence in an environment built to tear her down just for trying to look nice. You want “just to be honest”? Then answer the real question. Tell her you can’t really decide unless you see her without the dress on first, and you’ll have to take your own pants off in the meantime, just to be fair.
Opinion aside, in my opinion, truth is relative, if only in terms of language and context. There’s philosophical truth (’beauty,’ according to Keats) and maybe even universal truth (Newtonian, Einsteinian, or otherwise) but for everything else, it’s all relative. What’s that mean? It means sometimes it’s ‘dishonest’ to ask a question in the first place, and so any answer is appropriate, whether it’s the truth or not.
Someone asks you if did drugs when you were a kid. Who’s asking? Why is it his business to ask? Is he asking for rhetorical purposes, to make a point about your lack of judgment and class? Screw that guy. Say, “No.” Don’t even bother saying, “none of your beeswax, Bert.” People will take your “honesty” and re-contextualize it to make you look dishonest.
“Hey, I asked Dale if he did drugs as a kid. He told me he did! Can you believe we’ve got a junkie working here!” And now, because you smoked one joint at a party when you were 19, you’re the company drug fiend.
No thanks. Everyone has a right to privacy, and I do not cotton to the idea that “you wouldn’t complain if you had nothing to hide.” That’s BS. Because everyone has something to hide, so why should someone else get to create the context where my secrets are on display but his aren’t?
“I don’t have anything to hide.” Bert says. It has been my experience, every single time, that the person who says that has the most to hide— and is incredibly adept at changing contexts.