I call it crap because that’s what other people call it, but that’s just a label, a convenience for conveying judgment. I don’t really think it’s crap, but I do think calling it crap is crap. I’ll let your noodle noodle through that one.
You see, I’m sick. Not permanently! Just a small cold, or flu or cancer or something. I’m not sure. Started a few days ago, scratchy throat, and has moved out of my throat into my head. My theory, based on my medical degree, years of research, successfully guessed and executed experiments, and my extremely high IQ, is that I over did it (running), and along with allergies thanks to a few days sunshine, my immune system took a hit. Opportunistic bugs brought home by my wife (who works in the filthiest place a human can work: hospital) pounced and thus I’m feeling purty low.
And I’m craving macaroni and cheese. And not just any: Kraft Mac n Cheese. And not just any: K M&C eaten straight from the sauce pan. Which I’m told is crap.
Cause that’s the world we live in, where every time a person describes a thing, there’s a bunch of people ready to jump in and call it crap: “My gramma made the BEST mac and cheese. She used REAL cheese, not that fake crap Kraft uses. Corporations ruin everything. What you need is an herbal tea infusion and lots of rest. Go to bed and read that author who writes about prisoner rights in Indochina. At least you don’t have it as bad as they do!”
Yes I do. I have it worse than they do. I’m sick, god damn it, and I feel like crap. I don’t like books about prisoners. Herbal tea tastes terrible. Corporations employ thousands of people, and processed cheese “food” is made of the same carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen as that so-called real “crap” your gramma used. And screw your gramma—I heard she was a racist and a homophobe.
You see what this cold/flu/meningitis has done to me? Turned me into a republican hipster. @#$%^&*
Anyhoo, I just want to encourage you to ignore the idiots, and embrace crap. You like Vegas? Go to Vegas. You like watching CSI? Get it on DVD and watch the extras and outtakes. You like Coors? Drink your Coors. And I apologize for all the times I call your joy crap.
I could try to say, now, that people are judgmental because they’re insecure—but that’s a load of horse shit. People are judgmental because they’re assholes. I mean, yeah, maybe they are insecure, and they’re hypocrites, and cynical to the point of killing hard-ons. But who cares: ignorning them is easier than understanding them.
Embrace crap. Life’s too short. Your time on earth is no Sistine Chapel, and you’re no Michelangelo—and even if it was and you were, that just means you’d wind up with fat tourists stomping around in your memories. Screw that.